datacrime

Secret Kebab

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

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WHEN ALPARSLAN YILMAZ, AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN AS “THE TURK,” began cooking his delicious wood-fired kebabs out of an undisclosed location last year in NW Portland, he didn’t jump through the usual hoops navigated by licensed restauranteurs. Permits, insurance? Both unaffordable and impossible hurdles for a rookie American struggling to make a living for his family. Yilmaz was a criminal chef, operating under the radar in evasion of city regulations. It’s the reason he called the undertaking Secret Kebab, and part of what made it so much fun to eat his food and follow him online. Even placing an order was somewhat of a dubious process. To actually get the kebabs, you had to wait online for a notice from him that the lamb was “dancing” and quickly fill out a form on his website. If you were lucky, a mysterious driver would arrive hours later to deliver some of the most mouth-watering kebabs you could ever imagine.From the beginning, everything about the Turk has flown right in the face of Portland food culture. With Yilmaz, there’s no bravado or wannabe posturing—just a charmingly tenuous grasp of English syntax and characteristic sense of humor. But as his comical and unorthodox approach inevitably drew increased attention, the Turk had to make the tough decision to hold off on Secret Kebab in an effort to protect his anonymity. Still, Yilmaz is first and foremost a creative type, and he quickly found success in other artistic pursuits—most notably his partnership with fellow chef and accomplice John J. Goddard in publishing the frolicsome Lamb Goes in Town, an allegorical tale of a lamb learning his way in the city.But who is the Turk, really? And how did he get here? With a little luck, we were able to track him down and chat about Portland food culture, his perception of American values, and smoking hashish without your pants on.

Who is the Turk? How did you wind up here in Portland?

The Turk is I, Alparslan Yilmaz!! I am inventer for Secret Kebab, which is everybody Portland favorite and best kebab, and they are saying I am best falafel too!! You don’t believe look on Yelp and foody websites Secret Kebab!! I come inside Portland first time 2010 to check it out. I was for that time live with some cousin in New York and preparations establish some home in USA. I was hearing always so good things for Portland and then I came. WOWA WUWU!! Yes! when I came first inside Portland I know that for USA this was a best place. I love a cool clime and fresh airs, and every where roses this City of Roses. My favorite flower it is rose. Three my favorite things on a whole world excepting the wife is roses and bananas and hashish. There are no City of Bananas or City of Hashish in USA, so I come for City of Roses and bring the wife and baby boy. And we was living Northwest Portland for all 2011 and this is when I make my victory for best kebab and falafel in a city Secret Kebab. HAÇA! Now I am for this time return in my city Adana Turkey and Secret Kebab the lamb is sleep snoring. Do I come inside again? May be!! May be you are Portland asking me nice again I will come inside!!

Care to comment on your perception of life in Portland vs. Turkey?

It is most simpel for take a measure from lifes in Turkey versus America because I see some things is a same in New York Chicago and Portland when I am in the USA. And simpelist for saying that life of Turkey is elegant and pleasure and pretty. Turkey people is take a time for life and a family and every body is know it is madness if you are drive you self crazy up the wall for fake pressures in life. America is have a very imagination!! America people is making imaginations for so many things is not real is not important and fuck the head. Even this is true for Portland but a Portland people is more relax and not so madness. I am great respects for a Portland attitude on also natural qualitys food because this is food the foundation for life!! And this is how in Turkey respects!! GMO and science banana will not go inside!! And no hormone monster milk cow!! O America The Great Cow Injector this is not proper!! Next you will genetik engineering the talking cow who will milk she self this white poison and do the accounting and drive the truck because you do not have to pay a cow how you must pay the Mexican. The cow is knowing America crazy. You ask the cow because now she can tell you and maybe even suggest some solution. Talking cow!! But yes I love Portland. Because from all USA cities I am seeing Portland is best for life pleasure and take it easy and do not be so crazy worry. Portland is the American Turkey!! I will love when I am inside again but now I am in the Turkey Turkey.

So, how’d you learn to cook?

I am learn to cook from a same way any body learn to cook. I am in a kitchen with family since I am a boy. I watch mother and uncle and I was doing the help jobs with a supper. I do not understand why this is people make the big deal for cooking. It is not magic it is normal function from life. And you are learn to do it when you do it no more special from learn to swim or fuck the wife proper. Only people who can not cook is people who do not make a time in a kitchen. And this is some of this madness I understand in America because people are want to go on a restaurant and pay cheap the Hipster and the Mexican ass puppet for cook the supper. And you see how much is they are paying then you realize it is not special magic. Everything is want cheap and fast like the corner blowjabs 82nd Avenue and now this is America food culture. I do not know why you pay the Mexican Hipster for cooking. You must cook with a family how you eat with a family. And you must eat good food you learn you must cook!! But also I am with uncle Aydin from youngist times in the kebab salon of him was selling very fine kebab in Adana. And I work in the kitchen and I see how wood fire is only best way for cook. And I see how it is everything make and do from hand. Even the meat you do not ground up some machine to meat mince for the kebab and balls!! You chop chop chop with the knife with the hand. It is taking forever and that is why you have some tea and hashish and conversations in the kitchen with a friend and family. This is natural and it is proper. If you do not think it is having some affect for the taste and enjoyment then you are a fool and you do not have a care for real life and you should just pay the Mexican for your explozions diarrhea.

What’s the secret to those delicious kebabs? There’s a flavor there you can’t quite place your finger on…

My finger is the secret!! More precise it is every my fingers work together on my hand which is connecting my arm and pumping blood from the heart where is my soul alive burning love!! So the love is on my finger!! But it is true that I am make some special altercations from traditions Adana kebab when I make a Secret Kebab. A form of this sandwich is same and all of the fresh vegetable. But I do a special manuvers with the lamb!! One thing is I am learning from uncle the Master when the boy is how for special magic with spices blending. And if you are saying delicious it is must be truth. My spice is very nice!! But also only freshest vegetable real pide bread make from hand and fire and natural organic lamb of Oregon. Wood fire. Best ingredients. Time. Special spice magic. And love. This is what is making the taste of Secret Kebab. And this is why it is difficult business in America and I must do everything outside from a laws. Laws make everything cost 1000 times more from the reality and so do not let me do the right thing. So I am just doing the right thing invisible. Next laws are saying I must wear a rubber on my hands I am cooking!! You want to taste the rubber?! NO!! I know you will prefer a taste of my clean finger. So laws can suck the rubber!! I will never wear the rubber when I am working the lamb!!

You were running Secret Kebab out of an anonymous kitchen in NW, right? You even hired delivery drivers so no one actually ran into you face to face. Why keep things so secret?

I have the need for privates. You do not need my face with a sandwich and I do not need you shine my testicles with praise how some will do when the chef is coming on the table. But it is mostly this laws making me so secret. You want me pay for rent a license kitchen. You want me pay insurance. You want me pay business license. Now I can only afford for pay a Mexican to cook and they are do not care robot ass puppet not cook. You say I must buy this equipments and that or I am criminal chef. Kiss the dick!! I cut vegetable and mix bread and meat in clean house kitchen. I build a fire outside. And I make the best kebab in Portland and people was so happy. So stay away and let me do it!! You will not believe some the nice stories my driver is telling me. Secret Kebab was even romantic for a cute teenagers on a date on a park and request for delivering kebab to them. And they get the kebab and they sit together and talking nice. It is sweet!! And I know what is the kisses tasting like later!! It is this laws one reason which is why I stop Secret Kebab for the times now because it was get too much attention. If I will go for satisfy the law no one will affording Secret Kebab. Time and ingredient alone is expensive, and time and ingredient is all that is in Secret Kebab. Natural!! It will not taste a same with laws inside.

What else do you eat and cook? Man can not survive on kebabs alone..

I do not even eat much kebab. I love it and I will enjoy some times. But is fresh vegetable and fish and fruit and nuts and olive oil is my way to eat. Juice and yogurt ayran and mint tea with rose petals I drink. Basic Mediterranean diet is my way and it is the best. I am this year will become 43 years and still I am deep inside the wife how teenager and dancing how maniak. I know this is diet. You simple do not must eating very much land animal and take very strong leaf vegetable how I put in Secret Kebab. You remember I will not use lettuce for sandwich?! Only strong green leafs!! Dates and figs for fruit and grapes. You know instincts what is good and what is bad on the body. You eat something and if it is good you feel good. If it is no good food you feel bad and shit in the pants and become fat and the cock is disappearing. You will tell me this is enjoy life? No. So you must eat the right food and this is just my way.

You’re always tweeting about how the lamb is dancing, taking off your pants, smoking hash, and saying things like “BOOM BOOM BOOM.” If you don’t mind, can you take us inside a day in the life of the Turk? What’s really going on there?

Really I am crying the tears inside. HAÇA! I BULLSHITS YOU!! I am enjoy the life how any natural man. I play with my son. Some times I get on the beautiful wife and give her the happiness. I love the family and friends and now I am even spend time to write a story books. I love a smoke hashish relaxing because it is letting me reflections and think about the life, but even I can smoke hashish I am working no problem. I will not have the alcohol but only maybe once on the month. Islam is forbidding alcohol but that is not so big deal. I just do not want a fuck up my natural body from some chemicals make in a factory how beer and the hooch. Proper fruit brandy of Turkey is OK sometimes. You want to know my pants feelings?! I hate to wear the pants and I never wear them inside. In a kitchen I wear the skirt. If I am on some friends house even they some from them are letting me take off the pants for they understand my pants relationship. It’s OK!! Nobody is caring!! I still have the bikini for cover my ass and no body is make a grab for we are normal people. But I will prefer no pants. So you can see am I just like normal every body. I like a normal natural thing and I love a family and friends and I enjoy the life. I enjoy to even give you this my answers questions!! And even now I am not wearing the pants!! BOOM BOOM!! And when I am finish answer this questions I will have some nice Turkish pop music and dance because why not?! My happiness is real. And I will want to share and show you happy and so it is my enthusiasm for my tweets tone.

You’re always talking about lamb, and it sees you have an unusual relationship with the animal. You even wrote a book about the lamb… What’s the deal?

This can require many years and many letters for answering. Lamb is life. Lamb is man. We are getting food and cloth and even some house from a lamb and sheep if you will have many skins. And they are so the sweet and cute animals I like them how friends. But some times they must die. Lamb is from my place giving life.

Usually cooks write cookbooks, but you’ve written this Siddhartha-esque tale of a lamb’s “journey and shocking transformation in a strange new world.” What inspired you?

I am always love to play around with some writing and make stories and I tell stories with my friends and to my boy. But I am inspired to make a book from my cook John Goddard because he is making the books and he was telling me how for doing it independence. I say this is for me!! Cookbook?! If I want to teach you to cook I will invite you in my kitchen and you will learn with our physical action. A cookbook is nothing new and special, but maybe now you make me think I will make the cookbook!! Any way for the story of Lamb I will say every moment from life is inspiring me. And this story is making the life lessons, but do you know everything in this story is truth happening in Portland?! Yes. Lamb Goes In Town is true story.

You often refer to “life lessons” you wish to impart to the readers of Lamb Goes in Town - what lessons do you speak of?

When you are talking a story or telling some history you are talking on some aspekt from this present moment. Universe is holographic. There is not time separations me this moment from yesterday is just one moment always now!! And so one person is every person and thing is inside the other moment and person things. Every moment in life is transforming and so every moment in life it is a new world. And you are grow and change and learn no matter what!! Maybe you will not see it. Pay attentions!! And remember for be thanksful how you can change any time you are not happy!! To have a little story is making some demonstration for this and a way for explain deep in subconscious some comprehensions. You will know this is just mythologia. Lamb Goes In Town is mythologia from one level but it is a truth story on an other level. And there are other levels. It will just depends how you read and what you are feel for the day and how you make your attentions direction. I was writing it so it will say many things but even it is a simple and cute story.

I noticed Lamb Goes in Town was edited by John Goddard – he’s a Portland chef, right? He’s also kinda famous for researching Croatian and Adriatic food, so it makes sense for you to pair up with him, but I didn’t know he was a writer. I’m wondering, what’s your connection to him?

When I was start up the Secret Kebab I know I will want some cook help and so I make some note on Craigslist. I was getting only a little respond may be from because every body see my English is shit and they do not wish for working they can not understand a boss. But this John he is send me a resumey and I see the passion experience just from the paper. I call and he came in my house. We was talking for a long time and I see this guy not only is cooking but have some honest perspektiv in food and life. And even we talk some hours and have tea and hashish and I like him!! And then I see his capable and I know he is not only some ass puppet cook but I can think of him how some partner. He was so tired from restaurants and want to do something different and everything he is saying on restaurant I am seeing for truth. And I say THIS IS MY #2!! Yes he is also writing. He is just finish a cook book for Dalmatia cuisine in Croatia and it is coming on the end of this May. And for next he is writing a book for all of his travel around life living Croatia Europe and America. He will want to only write and never again for cooking and restaurant because it is so much ballshit and stress and he just want a peace. I have the great hopes for people to support the work of him because it is coming from the heart and also he will fuck the big company and do it independence. So when he is telling me on his books I am inspirations and asking him helps me for my book. And he was the BIG HELP and he is set up EVERYTHING for the book on Amazon and so he is getting some per cent from selling Lamb book for ever. And he will help for this next Lamb tale: Lamb Acrossing a Sea. He is the true man with the fine heart and I hope he will come for visit in Turkey when he is going back for Europe on this year.

What’s next for the Turk?

Already I tell you what is next. I put on a music and dance. And I will smoke a hashish and play my son and maybe get on the wife if she is not bloating or suffering from the impregnance. You have seen my hot story on secretkebab.com? Yes there is a new baby to come. I do no not know if we will be in Turkey or Portland. I think maybe we are staying in Turkey because family and the baby. And I am filling up worry about America. Food and politics situation is bad. You can see a big companies fucking the life from every things and a people are go crazy because they can not have real food and natural life. My family we are people for natural life. I do not think it is possibel this in America. But very much I am missing Portland and friends inside. And maybe I just make a quickie to come visit my friends and see roses and enjoy this fine air. And maybe when I come inside one night I will ask the lamb to dance for Portland one time again. I will tell you when I am coming.

Originally published by Intothewoods.tv

Posted in Blog, Feature, Words | Tagged Alparslan Yilmaz, Interview, Into the Woods, Secret Kebab, The Turk | Leave a comment

“Subject: Leoncie interviews Con artist Chris Cantino”

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

From: Leoncie
Date: Mon, Dec 19, 2011 at 1:23 AM
Subject: Leoncie interviews Con artist Chris Cantino
To: Chris Cantino

Here are my questions chris

Why do you like lying to other artists and pretending to be a journalist?

I’ve got all your e-mails and can prove that you’re a Psychotic Liar, who has nothing better to do than sleep on the Internet and harass other artists.

Get a Life and pray to God to make you a better healthy human being. You are absolutely mentally sick.

Buy some candles with whatever money you have, to keep warm the rest of your patheic life.

Finally, you don’t have to right tp print any interview with Leoncie.
Who rented your miserable services to harass Leoncie in the first place. Is there nobody in Amercia you can write about?

Do all Americans hate you? Be careful what you do. It will always boomerang on you.

From: Chris Cantino
Date: Thursday, Dec 22, 2011 at 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: Leoncie interviews Con artist Chris Cantino
To: Leoncie

Leoncie, I know it’s frustrating that your story hasn’t gone up yet—there are times that articles get put on the backburner and delayed, but I agree that this one is overdue. Seriously though, I have no reason to hurt you. I’m telling you, again, that I would never print a single untruth about you or alter any content. After all, the real story here is ICY SPICY LEONCIE. How would it get any more interesting than that?? Don’t worry, the delay isn’t connected to any of the reasons for which you left Iceland, nor some other conspiracy to sabotage your success; it’s just an opportunity for people to get to know the real Leoncie, the mastermind behind the most fucking amazing videosthey’ve ever seen. And they’re gonna love you.

At this point, I think it’s best to just let your words do the talking by publishing your questions for me along with an unaltered copy of our original interview. The whole thing is getting published TODAY on Intothewoods.tv. We’re sure it’ll help you make a million new fans in America. Thanks, Leoncie. And go easier on me next time. Not everyone’s out to get you.

Chris

So, Leoncie. Tell us about who you are and what you do.

I am Icy Spicy Leoncie, a Catholic raised with strict discipline by caring, loving parents. I am a professional, singer-songwriter, musician, producer and a great entertainer who started my musical career very young, playing the organ in the Catholic Church in India. I have trained classically through the Trinity College of Music London, but I love doing my own brand of music called “Leoncie Music.” I create and perform the best songs anyone has ever heard, people tell me so, and I never listen to mainstream radio to keep that corrupt poison out of my head. Yes! I am even better than Paul McCartney. With his type of promotion I would be richer than him any day. I’m also a very caring and good human being and fantastic cook. I never eat in restaurants, but enjoy cooking the best of dishes at home. I enjoy a healthy lifestyle and I don’t want to look or sound like anyone else and I don’t.

You’re often labeled as Icelandic but in truth, you’ve lived in several countries around the world. What has brought on your moving around so much? Where are you originally from?

Always traveled a lot as a musician, even with my family band. I am from India even though I don’t look like like an Indian to some people, and I don’t care what anybody thinks about me!

Why did you move from Iceland to Britain?

Moved out of Iceland because of deeply rooted racism and discrimination in Iceland. What I’m talking about is Constitutional Racism of the worst kind where the majority of people like to watch a single person drown if they feel that person’s talent or ambition intimidates them.

One story goes that you were the first stripper Iceland ever saw before you went on to make original music. Your music is still invigorated by a healthy dose of libido. How do sexuality and music connect for you?

Iceland was loaded with prostitutes and strippers long before I was even born. They were selling themselves to American NATO Base soldiers for a cigarette and chewing gum.

I’ve heard that Youtube has censored a video in which you appeared topless. What are your thoughts on this censorship of your art and body?

No! That’s just Icelandic negative propaganda on Youtube. There are no Topless videos of me anywhere, unless they have been doctored by the Icelandic music racists! The music video we are talking about is called “Radio Rapist”. It’s a great music video and you can see it on myspace.com/icyspicyleoncie, It had the truth about my experiences in Iceland, so the Icelandic bums decided to flag it on Youtube because the truth gave them nightmares and they did not want the world to see the terrible people they truly are.

The voyeuristic quality of your lyrics and videos is enhanced by the many costumes you’re known for wearing. Barbarian, nun, cop, cavewoman, Barbarella-style disco queen… Have you always been fond of dressing up? What is it about assuming these roles that you enjoy so much?

I just enjoy being fresh and different.

Your music has a playful energy and karaoke night vibe to it. What musicians/vocalists have inspired you to do what you do?

God and my prayers inspire me, not human beings. The sounds of the Earth do so as well.

Have you been a part of any other musical projects?

Had a title song in a Czech film called Story From Brooklyn . The co-writer was Czech and he is very talented! Musical projects in Iceland are only for white Icelanders. Being Asian/Eurasian, I was left out of every music related as always in Iceland.

Wild American Sheriff explores themes of mind and body health, including yoga, cholesterol, and the unfortunate side effects of doctor-prescribed medication. What triggered this concern in you?

Wild American Sheriff is a fantastic album. I just couldn’t sleep until this album became a reality for me. I love this Wild American Sheriff. I was watching some films made by Larry Levinson and Robert Halmi Jr. called Love Comes Softly etc, etc, that I was so inspired to compose and perform this song. “Vegetarian! No Cholesterol Ho!” is really about doctor-prescribed medication. Some of the doctors don’t really give a damn whether it is right or wrong for the person, as long as the pharmaceutical companies make billions out of it, including the doctors who get a big cut out of it. Can we really trust our doctors when profits are involved?

You’ve alluded to belief in the “Supreme Force beyond the superconscious mind.” Can you talk more about your spirituality?

Hey I believe in God who is Supreme! I trust in God, I always have. That’s where all my strength and inspiration comes from. I don’t care what anybody else thinks or for anyone else’s opinions.

What can we expect next from Leoncie? A new record? Will you ever tour in America?

Definitely! A new record. I want to tour in America, but I want the best concert organizer in America to do it for me.

Songs like “Killer in the Park” have a twisted sense of humor. Is there a dark side to you that you care to speak of?

“Killer in the Park” is about what happens in the UK when maniacs jump out of the trees and kill innocent people who are simply walking by. It’s about what happens in England.

Your music is imbued with a unique sense of humor. What makes you laugh in real life?

Every day above ground is a very successful day.

Your videos are fantastic, and impossible to look away from. What is your creative process like for these? Any stories from the set?

I create a great script for all of my music videos, and that’s because I created fantastic lyrics and short exciting films.

Any parting words?

Leoncie’s music is not just a fling. It’s a life long Love Affair. A great hello to all of my American fans, hope to see them soon. God bless the USA!

After reading Leoncie’s response to my interview, I was awestruck and a little confused, so I decided to e-mail her back and ask if she was concerned that Icelanders would interpret her statements as racist. Leoncie replied as follows:

Hello

I forgot to tell you one more very important thing. Those people whose names you know and mentioned in the first questions you sent me in youtube inbox are Icelandic Government supported windbags. That retard [referring to Bjork] cannot produce anything on her own without hundreds of people to support her Lame Act. Millions of Icelandic tax payers money

You wrote to me yesterday that I have even been compared to that Icelandic retard. No Please! STOP right there. No sensible real journalist or real reporters would print such fiction about me. Leoncie is a Genius. Fingers fly on any musical instrument. What have icelandic music retards proved? Just noise and Nepotism and racist conspiracys. YES! Awards being bought in USA ,UK, etc etc. Inspired of all the bribing and the Cheating there is no ABBA in Iceland yet. Fake Superstars is all that iceland has to boast about.

A: Not at all. They know they are racist because I have ample proof of what I suffered at the hands of the racist corrupt Icelandic government when I lived there, just because I was One Little Indian with high ambitions. All the Cd’s/Albums that I have released, have been at my own cost. All my music videos I have paid for myself. All my travels and clothes Expenses, I have looked after myself. The icelandic racist government has never supported me with a single kroner or dollar like they have supported their useless, talentless white windbags. i also have many fans in Iceland for that reason alone, because I am the ONLY Independant Musician Singer Songwriter in Iceland who has gone it alone without any help from the Ku Klux Klan and everyone knows it.

You know Mister, most of the crap that people read on google about me is also Icelandic Racist and Government promoted Propaganda. I was called to do some concerts in London last year. To my amazement, the places were house full and crowds outside the venues. This too, without any promotion except that fact that many people saw my music videos on the Internet and loved my lyrics. MAN LETS HAVE FUN and SEX CRAZY COP were the songs that drove people crazy. Everyone was singing the lyrics and I was happily shocked.

Finally the icelandic embassy in London is also busily involved in promoting more of their useless white windbags. They don’t want to know me, because they know that people will see those scumbags for what they truly are. Amateurs and even less than that. The world does not reject Indians because they are Talented, Qualified, Ambitious, Indians, but Iceland did that to me.

That’s My Story

Originally published by Intothewoods.tv

Posted in Blog, Feature, Words | Tagged Icy Spicy Leoncie, Interview, Into the Woods, Leoncie | Leave a comment

Shitlist: Spotify

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

Strike 1: Owned by major labels, artists get paid shit
18% of your shares are owned by the biggest majors around: Sony, Universal, Warner, EMI, and Merlin own approximately 18% that they paid just $14k for in 2008. Now you’re worth $1 billion and artists get paid shit—by most accounts, about $15 per 100,000 streams, with the amount varying from artist to artist. Is that much, or anybetter than piracy? And isn’t it a conflict in itself when you work out different deals with individual labels and artists? What you’re implying when you do that is that Lady Gaga deserves more money than my friend’s underprivileged band. At least with iTunes we know that Apple keeps .29 per .99, but with you it’s a total smokecloud. How are real artists supposed to survive in an industry you’re designing to stilt increasingly in favor of the most privileged musicians with the most corporate backing? Do not set this precedent for music; I love it and I swear to god, I won’t have you pissing on it like this.

Strike 2: Ads everywhere, low quality streaming
No, I’m not used to ads by now. And apparently you think you can put audio ones between songs? Oh, but you’ll remove them for just $5-10 a month; that way I can stream uninterrupted music! What a concept… Oh, you know what else is cool? How after the first six months, I can’t even listen to a track more than five times a month without getting charged for it. Just one of those little tricks where you suck consumers in and then forget to give us a reacharound. All at the bare-minimum bitrate of 160 kbps. Shit. Spotify, you’re on notice—stop fucking up people’s listening experience. Seriously can’t believe people put up with it.

Strike 3: No substance, no ownership
I can’t just listen to my favorite music, the stuff my friends make. There’s no access to the music my community is making, or method for discovering rare and obscure records of the past. It’s all a bunch of crap on labels that signed with you. The truth is, you sell yourself as this platform for unlimited access to music, but in all actuality, you’re restricting our capacity to discover new artists, and your system is designed to prioritize ad space over music content and the listening experience. Maybe it’s a hoarder’s mentality, but I don’t trust for a second that I’ll be able to rely on digital databases for the remainder of my lifetime. I want to control my own access to tunes, on my own terms. If we all made Spotify the norm, our default players, not only would we forfeit ownership of our music—we’d also be cutting ourselves off from troves of undiscovered treasures.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Spotify, you’re clearly full of shit. However—and don’t think I’m letting you off the hook here—the bottom line is, you’re not the only one to blame here. In the end it’s on us as listeners to know what we’re signing up for when we use the services of companies like you.

Originally published by Intothewoods.tv

Posted in Blog, Feature, Words | Tagged Into the Woods, Shitlist, Spotify | Leave a comment

Cyberpunk’s Not Dead!

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

MARIANNE TRENCH’S 1990 DOCUMENTARY on the world of cyberpunk observes digital outlaws on the forefront of new technologies, fighting for freedom of information. Founded upon the spirit of the first cyberpunk novels by William Gibson, the movement is a networking hub for politically-concerned technophiles who poke around inside protected digital databases and occasionally wreak mayhem by inducing malicious software. Sometimes for fun, and sometimes to extract information, the hackers are concerned with increasing access to knowledge and generally throwing a wrench into the system. Often set in dystopic near-futures in which the lower class is dramatically underrepresented, cyberpunk (and sci-fi literature in general) helped develop the context in which we discuss the arrival of new technologies: with a guarded interest, and sometimes fear that they might eventually wreak similarly undesirable results.

Unfortunately, this cyberpunk prescience is starting to look less and less like fantasy. Gibson once described his fictional futures as “social Darwinism designed by a bored researcher who kept one thumb permanently on the fast-forward button,” where the ones calling the shots cut corners at the expense of the vast majority. Gibson’s vision doesn’t sound too far from our current status quo. Just 27 years from the publication of his seminal cyberpunk novel Neuromancer, the income wage gap between wealthy and average citizens continues to distend as the technology industry sustains its upward growth. And with the Occupy movement sweeping across the world in a rally against the 1%, relationships between authorities and the everyman are straining in a way that Gibson and other cyberpunks foretold many years ago.

At the time of Trench’s documentary, computers were still making use of clunky technology like floppy disks, and early online providers Prodigy and CompuServe had yet to break into the mainstream. But technology was (and is) booming. According to Moore’s Law, computing power has since continued to develop exponentially with transistor counts doubling approximately every two years, and concerns generated by the cyberpunk movement regarding privacy and freedom have grown alongside that trend. With the incorporation of technology into our daily lives and concerns of privacy protection being more relevant than ever, it would seem that our country is in need of some well-meaning cyberpunks. But the console cowboys, those neon-haired hackers and phreakers that were once familiar to our screens seem to have disappeared. So where have they gone?

Cyberpunk’s not dead. It’s just changed its face.Those fringe hackers still exist in the corners of the internet, and their presence is becoming more and more mainstream. With the increasing popularity of spoiler tanks like WikiLeaks and hacktivist groups such as Anonymous, cyberpunk ideology is reaching larger audiences than ever before. The net is swarming with cracks, torrents, viruses, and all kinds of illegal software, but the people promoting access to that information are looking increasingly, well, normal. So, as the basic ethos of the movement has survived, its participators have in turn grown more diverse alongside its increase in popularity. Cyberpunk is a movement that’s outgrown its aesthetics, trading in its punky haircuts and studded leather as its principles become adopted by the global community.

With the assistance of technology integrated into our daily lives, computers have begun to control, if not subsume, our physical environments. And as the capacity of those machines extends itself further into our routines, we become increasingly interchangeable and disposable. When we underestimate our ability to face day-to-day life without digital support, and neglect to appreciate our relatively unfettered access to information, we tread a dangerous line that disconnects us from the experiences of our ancestors.

But opting out of a digital society is becoming a less feasible option. For the cyberpunk, the answer is clear that one must embrace technology in order to access tools that increase the individual’s knowledge and ability to fight back against the “powers that be.” It would seem that the motivations behind anti-technology worldviews like Neo-Luddism and primitivism would, admirable as they are, eventually disable citizens’ ability to make large-scale political maneuvers.

Of course, cyberpunks have varying feelings about the overwhelming and increasing presence of technology, but they are regardless united by a common enemy. Cyberpunks are never fighting against technology; rather, they’re fighting against those that would use it to enslave them and restrict their access to information. And they employ that same technology to infiltrate, disorganize, and undermine that unweildy influence by hacking and contributing to a culture in which such restrictions are questioned. Let us look no further than the ultimate tenet adopted by the cyberpunk movement: “Information should be free.” In pursuit of this ideal, cyberpunks are encouraged to mistrust authority and promote decentralization, lest they become so far removed from the source of power that the 1% no longer heeds their voices.

Looking to the outcomes of cyberpunk literature, we find that the hackers almost always win. It was assumed that access to information would always result in victory for the underclass; but in the real world, things are much less decided. And the fight is now more relevant than ever. Earlier this month, the Stop Only Piracy Act was, thankfully, defeated in the senate—the legislation would have essentially banned copyright-infringing websites from the internet, putting “rogue” websites on notice and handicapping/censoring free speech on the web. It’s a move in line with recent threats to net neutrality in which the senate has proposed to overturn the FCC’s ruling that digital service providers would not be allowed to play favorites with the bandwidth they allocate to various hosts. The senate has so far been ruling against such changes—but just barely. And with providers Verizon and Comcast continuing to tighten the vice, it may only be a matter of time until we find ourselves on the losing end of this one.

So, what’s next on the horizon for cyberpunk? You have to wonder, with digital corporations behaving in the same manner as governmental entities, are we that far from the days of digital warfare? Perhaps we have already arrived. It wouldn’t be hard to believe that Google has deployed spies into the Apple workforce to disrupt their operations, delete, or even steal powerful new technologies. Perhaps the real enemy to fear isn’t the government at all, but rather those who create the means by which we access information, the strongest weapon of all. In a world in which information is treated as property, those that hoard it hold the power. If history serves as a lesson here, we can expect that this same warfare will eventually be used to extort the value from citizens like you and me. And you can bet it won’t be long until we come face to face with that reality.

Long live the cyberpunk.

CC TV

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

coming soon on gnar tapes

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Michael Griffith – Occupy Portland

By CC | Published April 20, 2012

Directed by Hannah Gregg
Edited by Jordan Kinley and Rodrigo Melgarejo
Audio by Miliken Gardner
Words by Matt Stangel and Chris Cantino

“THIS IS THE PORTLAND POLICE BUREAU,” echoes the loudspeaker, “Under the authority of Oregon law, Southwest Main Street is being re-opened to vehicular traffic.”

Tiered riot cops are buffed faceless behind masks and shields; batons across chests and tear gas rifles (“less lethal launchers”) made ready. Some officers mount horses and others stand in rows, blocking Main Street at SW 3rd.

Persistent threats from mobile loudspeakers gnaw into the chants and side-chants of Occupy protesters, identifying the PPB’s legal right to use force up to and including the use of chemical agents, should Occupy protesters remain in the street.

If the cops have a voice, this is it. The litigious orchestration of power.

Behind the riot squad, bulldozers and cleanup crews dump tents, food, and occupiers’ personal belongings into behemoth trash receptacles. Amidst are those most dedicated to the movement, those who’ve refused to leave the park. They are being arrested. Some sit quietly with their hands cuffed behind park benches; others are thrown to the ground.

Occupy Portland’s encampment, which for five weeks was pitched tent-city fashion in Chapman and Lownsdale Squares, was issued an eviction some fourteen hours ago at midnight on Sunday, November 13. The protesters’ reaction to the eviction was to occupy the streets– a tactical maneuver which has effectively rerouted the flow of traffic and renewed the movement’s central visibility. It’s a last ditch effort to pressure the city into honoring their encampment-model of protest and free speech.

Into the Woods is here with Michael “Griff” Griffith– a musician best known asArchers’ synth player– to help reflect what feels like a defining moment in the political identity of the echo boomer generation; us twentysomethings who came up between 9-11 and the bank meltdown of 2008. The crew is operating under a strict, self-imposed “don’t be a pussy” mandate, though Griff never even hints at backing out.

He stands at the dividing line with his unassuming acoustic. In front of him, cops guard the foot-tilled mud of the parks where dead tents sag and dimple the ground. Behind, a moderately-populated city block has amassed with protesters and spectators. Smirking Guy Fawkes masks and anarchist bandanas. Grandfathers and near-homeless soccer moms. Local news affiliates in matching blue rain jackets. The ritual of force and compromise.

“I didn’t come here to get maced or arrested,” explains Griff, “I came here because of the people.” Each one of them is something to this abstract collective identity, and this music is his contributing ingredient. His performance is as much for the cops as it is for the protesters.

The song he plays into the wall of riot police is called “Woods of Error”– the title borrowed from Dante’s Inferno, the lyrical content inspired by the loss of love. A very personal loss.

An event so tragic that Griff began struggling with an associative crisis. He saw his loss in everything. Each object from his life related back to the way things were. The experience pushed him overseas to live in Geneva where he walked dogs for money and had nothing to read pain from. He stopped making music.

After he returned to California, he wrote “Woods of Error,” and when performing the song he seems to relive the storied emotional nuances at its foundation. Lyrics tell the same tale: “Dry your eyes/when the sun doesn’t shine/it still stings/on and on.”

It doesn’t sound like a protest song as you’d expect one to be, but there’s certainly a message there for occupiers, officers, and bystanders alike: within great personal loss, there is beauty to unpack.

“It’s like medicine for the people,” says Griff.

As he fingerpicks and sings, someone shouts the Declaration of Independence through a megaphone, line by line. The resultant human mic seems to be getting weaker as fewer and fewer protesters repeat each phrase in unison– ostensibly distracted with the threat of violence, or hesitant to vigorously associate with the most dedicated Occupiers who are prepared to get arrested.

Griff seems appropriately shaken by the experience. He is at once excitable and nonplussed, but the aftershock uncoils. We walk past the restaurant where earlier we dropped in for a pit stop and the guitar was passively noodled over chart-topper country music. We’re struggling to remember where we parked, and slowly retracing our steps back into a world where Occupy exists only on tweetstreams and media feeds.

The day is different now.

We continue on to a parking deck where, for audio purposes, we record Griff’s song in an elevator; our isolation booth. (The take is later scrapped in order to preserve the verbal exchange between the crowd and the police.)

We perch on the fifth floor and the air feels thin in the glass box. He’s singing his loss into it, emotional postures congruent to his previous performance at the standoff; as if this thorny, aching memory– lived through and resolved with music– has become an even measure to put the world against. A stone rubbed into a mirror. A trapdoor greater than riot gear.

Loss is a hole you carry, available when the odds are against you. Occupiers are coming to know it too, with evictions spreading West to East on a widening memory: it’s these moments we keep with us and revisit for strength. They allow us to let go, to move on. Through the Woods of Error.

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With Endless Fire – In the Moment With Ilyas Ahmed

By CC | Published February 23, 2012

WHEN READING ABOUT THE MUSIC of local guitarist Ilyas Ahmed, one is likely to stumble frequently upon adjectives such as “nomadic,” “mystic,” and “transcendent,” and there’s fair enough reason for that. His records, hewn with droning psychedelic guitars and the influence of outsider folk heroes, are as mysterious as they are intimate, never drawing attention to the person behind the guitar but nonetheless conjuring a deeply-storied and magical persona.

His newest album, With Endless Fire, is no exception, bridging the gap between seemingly disparate concepts: familiar, yet distant; distinctive, yet blurred. Its pace and beauty overwhelms with fluid meditative energy, transfixing the listener with always enough, never anticipating the next measure or eager for a hooky melody. The songs just kind of waft outwards like smoke, formless and diffuse, billowing patiently until no trace remains. It would seem that Ilyas’ music is transmitted from beyond our earthly plane, and thus the open-ended listening experience his music provides is well-suited to self-examination, or meditation upon distant memories. It’s the reason such a mythos has developed around Ahmed.

A mythos that the man himself is relatively unconcerned with upholding. With Ilyas, there’s no pretention—the act of creation for him is as natural as the air he breathes. “Music is like an elemental thing. It’s like fire or the water. I know that sounds sort of hippie-ish, but I really do look at it as this thing that’s just part of life,” Ilyas says. Living and breathing his music on a daily basis, Ahmed’s records are ultimately the result of whatever events are contributing to his state of mind at the time he writes them, and presenting his art as both an honest manifestation of those circumstances and his evolving character is urgently important to him. Ahmed even abandoned an album that he no longer identified with. “I made one record a while ago that was pretty dark. I didn’t do anything with it; I ended up just burying the tape somewhere in town.”

Ilyas is clearly attached to the past, and readily awaits what the future may bring, but the ultimate reality for him is where memories are made—in the here and now. It’s this present-minded willfulness and spontaneous creative drive that allow his music to serve as a vessel for his own remembrances, an autobiographical process that preserves and communicates the stories of his life.

Originally published by the Portland Mercury

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Annual Report: Beer on the Rug

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

We’d certainly be remiss in our duties if we failed to hype you on fledgling “record label and fun machine” Beer on the Rug, so here’s the gritty: First thing you gotta know about this Midwestern tape outfit is that they deliver 100% on the indulgent party promise of their namesake. This is no-holds-barred, ADD pill-times galore, irretrievably deep down the h-pop k-hole: mulched elevator swag, dorm room synth-dorking, and unapologetic DIY dorkpop. It doesn’t get much more zonked than this, folks. And just take a look at that artwork. What you see is definitely what you get—and with BOTR releases, it’s always A-OK to judge a record by its cover.

In just 12 months time, the crew over at Beer on the Rug has garnered a lot of buzz with releases by the likes of Laserdisc Visions, CVLTS, and Napolian, but what’s got us even more stoked are their stacks of soon-to-be-released titles that I’m not gonna spoil for you just yet. Instead, let’s have a look and listen to this superb trio of their newest drops, including the debut LP from local Gnar Tapes/White Fang founder Erik Gage’s newest alias, Free Weed.

Free Weed - Beer On The Drugs C19
Gnar mom Erik Gage joins BOTR’s ranks and blasts off axe in hand, shredding already spaced faces to flecks of carbon dust. This spliff riffin’ bong pop is not recommended for consumption by DARE members or the faint of heart. Features rubber burnin’ sensations like “Sci-Fi,” “Friend of the Guitar,” and “Caprica”. Pop this bad boy in your home stereo and blaze loudly for good measure.

LISTEN:

Free Weed – “Friend of the Guitar”

Macintosh Plus - Floral Shoppe
Imagine the aphrodisiacal scents present inside this boutique – the wafting air permeates the room with a sticky sweet fragrance borne of yearning buds and vibrant blossoms. Mesmerizing and captivating in its slow burning brilliance, “Floral Shoppe” sees the enigmatic entity behind this project and Laserdisc Visions employing structural sleight of hand and chakra cleansing frequencies with aplomb and finesse. Macintosh Plus subverts minds to heal hearts with her freshly manicured bouquet of love stoned tunes rendered impervious to wilting or fading by nature of their own inherent luminosity.

LISTEN:

Macintosh Plus – “ÃÃÃÃ 420 / ç¾ä»£ÁÃÃÃÃ”

Boy Snacks - Boy Snacks C24
This hot pop is defined by its bubble fresh! Have you met the body butter?? It’s too delish for this guy!! Boy Snacks for President! Tres chic Vice Prez interior design guru x-Glam Smith shows up to work on her hoverscooter ~ she works at ESPN as a very VIP sporters reporter when she isnt trailblazing w/ her PTA meeting cuties! Boy Snacks is a diva but he’s great!! I heard he gets tipsy on champagña to make this stuff but you cant really trust People magazine these days ~ LOL! Boy Snacks C24 features fruit gushin’ slammers like “Kiwi Melon,” “4G Kush,” and “401(k)-hole”!

Posted in Blog, Feature, Words | Tagged Beer on the Rug, Boy Snacks, Free Weed, Macintosh Plus | Leave a comment

Mirrorring – “Fell Sound”

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

DAVID BELISLE

Some music just transcends explanation. In the case of Mirrorring, the recent collaboration between Liz Harris of Grouper and Jesy Fortino of Tiny Vipers, observe that Pitchforkdescribes the sound as “dark and introspective, doing much with little.” GVB? “Our go-to late night/dream soundtrack.” Drowned in Sound identifies the album as “beautifully fragile and darkly unsettling,” and were you to browse the Soundcloud embed, you would discover enlightened comments such as “tripped-out Enya,” “sinking to the bottom of the ocean,” and “P’zone.”

That’s a lot of vibe-talk, without ever saying anything specific about what the music is actually comprised of. And there’s a reason for that. Foreign Body, out March 19 on Kranky, is the kind of record ill-suited for adjectives—designed to spur emotional and nostalgic migration, trying to account for the listening experience with words simply doesn’t do it justice.

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Annual Report: 100% Silk

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

It’s been just over a year since Amanda Brown, co-owner of preeminent outre-psych labelNot Not Fun, first launched off to release dance records under the imprint 100% Silk. At that time, NNF was relentlessly saturating the underground market with acclaimed mutations of psych, drone, and trance, but Brown wasn’t content to simply ride that wave. She was already busy predating the current vogue in rave and house music, as exemplified first by her collaboration with Matrix Metals’ Sam Meringue under the ego LA Vampires, and soon after with the announcement that Silk was to begin curating the releases of like-minded artists. Now, just over a year later, Amanda and 100% Silk are already lining up their 26th release, and the label is one of the fastest-rising on the planet.

For a better idea of what Silk is getting at, peep this bitty from their mission statement: “Making 45 RPM 12 inch singles of diamond-life dance & bliss-disco & basement luxury grooves by friends and lovers from all over the world.” Think of Silk as an auteur of mulched, bedroom casino music, crowned with an aesthetic penchant for over-processed pads and a refreshing absence of exclusivity. Seriously though, don’t just take my word for it. Instead, chew on these gum-snapping new drops from Silk (including one from “Prince of Portland” Paul Dickow, AKA Strategy) and make up your own mind.

Strategy - Boxy Music
“Prince of Portland Paul Dickow turns his no-nonsense Nudge-sludge awesomeness into revved-up, avant tech-house arousal as Strategy. The moniker has found Dickow checking out hooks in his Community Library and niche-in’-out nooks on Kranky. With SILK he separates: “Skanking Stabs” stomps with reverb canned-can drums, bouncing in a dancehall vault. “Feel The Earth” is not your daddy’s acid jazz, with its bouncing house arresting piano bar tipped jar. “Starry Day” soft serves up a swirl of 80’s vamp funk, contempo computer chocolate chips, and haywire Cyberdyne scheming sequences. The dueling “Bolly Valve” tracks mix Arabic woodwind skill scales with whisper sizzle clatter data. Limited edition, with hot pink pop art Neu-bout-town jackets designed by the artist. Strategic move for winning your love.”

Polysick - Flow FM
“Tune in Tokyo, Rio, Rome, to Flow FM, Polysick’s choppy, blip-bloppy, reality-byting radio station. Channel glide between robotic-chaotic dub, ecstatic acid static, sunny synth sampladelica, Jack-the-Risker groove stabs, Rowdy Rick Dees-sleaze, organ-doning vogue-zoning, crunk color wheelies, sweet jellies and sick jams. And now a word from our SILK Sponsors: Flow FM has the sleekest sounds on the blare-waves.”

Posted in Blog, Feature, Words | Tagged 100% Silk, Annual Report, Fort Romeau, Polysick, Strategy | Leave a comment

Light House – “2012″ b/w “Wishbone”

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

So I’ve been kicking around that new Sweating Tapes compilation of Portland synth music, and I’m pretty floored by just how the influence of those acts (Arohan, ASSS, Litanic Mask, etc.) has began to infiltrate our local scene in a powerful and growing way. There isn’t a bad artist on the comp, but the one I keep finding myself coming back to has been Light House. Featuring former members of the Rapture, Atriarch, and Hot Victory, and fronted by acclaimed designer Dawn Sharp, Light House specialize in romantic, minimal dark wave reminiscent of Dead Can Dance’s stately invocations, with a latent undertow of dirge-y atmospherics and drum machine.

Stream “2012″ and “Wishbone” from their upcoming 7-inch below, and see Light House live in concert after they return from tour on March 9th at East End with Grave Babies.

LISTEN:

Light House – “2012″

Light House – “Wishbone”

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Annual Report: Field Hymns

By CC | Published April 21, 2012

Local cassette boutique Field Hymns has been at it for some three years now, and with their recent set of drops representing the breadth of the label’s increasingly developed aesthetic, it’s time to shed some light on Field Hymns’ latest adventures into uncharted analog territories. No strangers to creative fringework, the label’s track record of bucking trends in favor of boundary-stretching sounds grows more established with each release. Library music, found sound, minimal wave, kosmische, you name it—all are dissected à la carte at Field Hymns. For a sampling of their latest menu, observe the much-anticipated debut from Grapefruit, Detainee’s Vital Organs, and Foton’s Omega.

Grapefruit - S/T
RIYL: Tangerine Dream, music so kraut it’s still cabbage & synths creamy enough to attract cats

What happens when you get Klaus Shulze into some tight-fitting American jeans? Yes I know, the periennial question – well we here at Field Hymns have the answer and of course the result is Grapefruit. Muscular and fluid, Grapefruit speaks a brogue of ’70s Kosmisch and ’80s action flick scores, woven into a rich expanse of arpeggiated streams, analog sunsets and cosmic beaches. Recommended for all lovers of analog synth artistry.

Detainee - Vital Organs
RIYL: grimy synths, cold beats, a morose feeling of nostalgia for black denim

In 1991 Capcom USA, in a bold move to reclaim market share lost to rival video developers and taking advantage of the new 16 bit processors in the Sega Genesis and its rival, the Super NES, commissioned of Andy Fletcher of Depeche Mode to develop a more modern soundtrack for a game in development with a working title “Vital Organs.” The project was eventually scrapped, the music forgotten and the world moved on.

This is what that music would have sounded like.

Foton - Omega
RIYL: La Planète Sauvage, library music, the inside of your eyelids on a sunny day

Posted in Blog, Feature, Words | Tagged Annual Report, Detainee, Field Hymns, Foton, Grapefruit | Leave a comment